thesnowway.com

Possibilities are paralyzing. How best should I spend my time? What interests me the most? I shall never “be telling this with a sigh“. But the decision making process is still fraught with uncertainty.

Not so much for selecting between choices, but rather in identifying my wants and desires. What are my motivations? What are my goals? Will I see them through? Seems pretty heavy, huh? In truth, my writings so far this season have something in common:

I spent the past year following in love with a country and learning its language. But I fear that the honeymoon may be over. Was I flailing due to the challenge? Was I waffling for lack of will power? Or, did I simply want to learn about another culture and its language?

I think it is the latter. Better to learn a little about a lot of things than to devote years to one thing, at the exclusion of all others. But reframing a perceived failure into a decision to learn something new has been an emotional roller-coaster.

Last week’s rain/freeze cycle locked up a solid base. On top of that, six inches of dense and supportive snow fell overnight, and more snow fell throughout the day. The mountain was deserted, untracked was abundant, and conditions exceeded expectations.

All on map and off map glades were good to go, but off map woods and lower elevation glades warrant careful and alert skiing. So far, I am four for four on powder days this season. Not bad.

This week was the release from a short period of self-doubt, ambivalence, and frustration. Sometimes the best cure for a bad mental state is letting go and getting enough sleep. And powder. Lots of untracked powder.

If desire thuds to the ground like a dropped stone, then it is time to move on. But if desire returns like a boomerang, then it was meant to be. The desire certainly has returned.

I normally avoid Deliverance. Its steep, narrow chutes get tracked up after only a few skiers. It is a “first-chair-only” glade. But when the Bonnie isn’t running and there are no tracks, it is one of my favorite runs at Jay.

Boot deep gave way to knee deep, and then even deeper still. After exiting Deliverance onto Taxi, I knew that might become my best run of the season. This run will be hard to beat.

“I think it is important to do hard things,” I said.

Concurrently, my inner dialog voiced a different narrative; suggesting that I deviate from the established plan. Mental gymnastics reasoned that changing goals is different than abandoning them.

This is part of the iterative process; eliminating the mental loopholes. You simply cannot reason with negative self talk. It is best to just go outside, be active, and sleep on it.

Boot deep untracked always helps, but it has its limits.